Love & Logic Parenting Class

After starting to feel overwhelmed with Jackson’s tantrums and meltdowns a few months ago, I finally decided it was time to try something different.  A friend had been encouraging me to try a local parenting workshop that she had done when her boys were younger – I was intrigued, but the class times and locations weren’t particularly convenient for me, so I had not signed up.

I’m an avid reader, and especially like to turn to books for advice on parenting.  My friend had suggested I read the book that was the foundation for the basic principles and approach that would be covered in the class, Love & Logic.  I read the book, and wasn’t particularly impressed, and didn’t feel it was right for me.  What I later discovered, is that I read the wrong book – Parenting with Love & Logic --- when I was supposed to have read the one written specifically for early childhood – Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood.  I heard many opinions that the “purple book” was much better, so I decided not to fully discredit the approach just yet.

When things started to really seem tough (I got to the point where I really thought I should just never take J out in public with any kind of expectations for a neutral or positive experience…and yes, sobbing was involved.), my friend finally convinced me that I needed to try the workshop.  She assured me that I would find benefits with the approach and techniques that were taught, and the “group therapy”-like setting would help to bring some comfort during these trying terrible twos.

So I signed up for the upcoming workshop, which was 4 sessions of 2-hour classes, over a 5 week period.  I really didn’t know what to expect, but the class turned out to be AMAZING and I am so happy I finally went through with it.  My class was small, around 7 or 8 parents, and many of them had toddlers / preschoolers.  It was very encouraging to hear “horror stories” of other parents having problems, and know that I was not alone :)  Sometimes I even found myself being thankful that J didn’t have some of the other problems (we have been quite fortunate with avoiding sleep problems from early on!).  It was also a nice non-judgmental atmosphere for sharing tips and advice on things that might work with each other’s problems.  “Oh, your kid won’t sleep at night?  Try this!…but tell me, how the heck do you get her to take medicine???”

The teacher was fabulous, and she had so many great ideas, tips, and advice.  She was engaging, funny, and kept me intrigued for the entire class, always looking forward to learning more.  The structure of the classes flowed nicely as well, which is definitely to the teacher’s credit, since she crafted her own sequence of topics that didn’t follow the issued workbook’s order exactly.  Also, her personal anecdotes of her own parenting challenges and success stories really stood out.  While maintaining the image as parenting expert, she also made everyone feel better about our own issues and shortcomings by sharing examples of her own challenges.  One of the resonating ideas that she taught in the class, is that we often have to work against our natural instincts in parenting, and sometimes those instincts just come out automatically.  Most importantly, she let us know that it’s ok to not be perfect and make mistakes occasionally (this was something none of my parenting books really imparted upon me … my perfectionistic persona was struggling with achieving 100% consistency and efficacy, which is absolutely unrealistic in theory!  I just needed a real person to make me realize this… duh!).

Ok, so to avoid further rambling…(I could probably write a ton on this!) I’ll just sum up some of the major Ah-ha!s and overall ideas that I learned from the class:

• act as a consultant (instead of worrisome/hovering or dictator style parent) --- guide and offer advice in many situations, but avoid always lecturing and telling kids what to do.  Allow them opportunities to think for themselves.  This is sometimes difficult, as it goes against our natural parenting we-are-in-control mindset and tendencies.
• allow ample situations for kids to make small decisions --- the earlier they learn and become at ease, the less the "price" for making bad choices.  e.g.- wearing a coat or not, choosing to eat at a meal or not, etc.  This also evens out the "power" struggle and lets them feel in control, in small pieces, which feels big for them when they are often told what to do.
• use empathy often -- even when you don't agree that a child is frustrated, upset, angry, etc, let them know you understand (I'm sorry; how sad; I can tell you're frustrated; etc)
• with Jackson - I've discovered one of his trouble spots is self-soothing -- he can get stuck in tantrums or with being upset, but sometimes doesn't naturally know how to soothe himself.  I sometimes remind and coach him on ways he can calm himself down (sucking fingers, blowing out his "candle" -- which is really deep breathing, counting, etc).

In summary, things got *much* better with Jackson after I started implementing some things from the class, and started actively trying to be a consultant parent.  I think both of us are a lot more calm in general, and J’s tantrums and meltdowns slowed down significantly (in quantity, magnitude, and duration!).

I can’t say it enough – if you are in the Charlotte area, I highly recommend checking out Wendy’s workshop!  http://charlotteparentingsolutions.com/